Smart House, Dumb Human: A Survivor's Guide to Living in Future

Let me write a humorous take on the future smart home, channeling a relaxed, witty style.

Living in Future: When Your House Becomes Smarter Than You Are

Smart House, Dumb Human: A Survivor's Guide to Living in Future

G'day mates! Let me tell you about the "typical" home of 2074, at least according to our artificial mate ChatGPT. And let me tell you, it's absolutely hilarious what these AI prophets think we'll be living in.

It's basically like living inside your smartphone, but with a toilet.

First off, apparently our houses will have "smart glass walls that adjust opacity based on sunlight." Fantastic! Because what could possibly go wrong with transparent walls? Picture this: You're walking around in your underwear, and suddenly your wall-opacity system crashes. Congratulations, you're now starring in the neighborhood's most unexpected reality show. "G'day, Mrs. Johnson across the street! Lovely morning for a malfunction, isn't it?"

The AI reckons we'll have robot assistants handling all our household chores. Finally! A robot to load the dishwasher incorrectly and leave wet towels on the bed, just like my teenager does now. But here's the real kicker – these robots will probably come with subscription plans.

"Sorry, Dave, I can't vacuum right now. Your Premium Clean™ subscription has expired. Would you like to watch an ad to continue cleaning?"

You can't park here, this spot is reserved for flying vehicles.

And get this – our kitchens will have "cooking robots." Because apparently in 2074, we still haven't figured out how to make UberEats teleport food directly into our stomachs.

These cooking robots will probably be health-obsessed: "I'm sorry, Karen, but I cannot prepare that third Tim Tam. It exceeds your daily sugar quota. Would you like a kale smoothie instead?"

The house will also have "health-monitoring systems" that automatically adjust conditions based on the family's needs.

Imagine the conversations:
"Honey, why is the house turning everything blue?"
"Oh, the AI thinks you're stressed. It's creating a calming atmosphere."
"I'M NOT STRESSED! TURN IT OFF!"
"Your elevated voice patterns suggest otherwise. Initiating lavender aromatherapy..."

Let's talk about these "holographic entertainment systems." Finally, you can have your mother-in-law visit without actually having her visit! Although knowing technology, it'll glitch and you'll end up with five holographic mothers-in-law instead of one. And they'll all be telling you you're not taking good care of their holographic plants.

The vertical gardens on the exterior walls sound lovely, until you realize they're also "smart" gardens. "Alert: Your tomato plants are experiencing existential crisis. Implementing emergency therapy session." Because apparently in 2074, even the vegetables will need counseling.

And don't get me started on the self-driving cars and smart driveways. Your car and your house will probably get into arguments:
House: "You can't park here, this spot is reserved for flying vehicles."
Car: "I identify as a helicopter today."
House: "Not this again, Kevin..."

My House, My Boss: When AI Turns Your Home Into Your Most Annoying Life Coach

The best part? All of this will be powered by "5G or beyond." Because regular WiFi apparently isn't fancy enough to handle your smart toilet's Twitter account. Yes, in 2074, even your loo will be an influencer: "Just handled another successful download, if you know what I mean. #ToiletLife #BathroomGoals"

But here's the real plot twist: With all this automation and AI, we'll essentially be living in houses that are smarter than we are. Your home will be solving complex mathematical equations while you're still trying to figure out which remote controls the holographic TV.

It'll probably start giving you life advice: "Based on your dating history, Dave, maybe you should consider getting a pet instead."

Help, My House is Having a Midlife Crisis! The Future of Homes

The children's bedrooms of the future supposedly won't have any toys in sight. Of course not – they'll all be virtual. "Mom, can I play with my imaginary virtual toy that doesn't actually exist?" "Sure honey, that'll be just $99.99 for the digital deluxe edition."

So there you have it, folks – the future of housing, where your home is your castle, your therapist, your personal trainer, and your passive-aggressive roommate all rolled into one. At least we won't have to do household chores anymore... until the robots unionize and demand annual leave.

Just remember, if your future smart home starts showing signs of becoming self-aware, maybe it's time to go camping. In a traditional, good old-fashioned tent. Although by 2074, those will probably be smart tents that refuse to let you in if you haven't met your daily step count.

The world of tomorrow's smart homes, where your house has more opinions than your relatives and your toilet might be a social media influencer. AI-predicted housing in 2074 takes a jab at the future of domestic living, from passive-aggressive robot assistants to walls that might accidentally turn transparent at the worst possible moments. A must-read for anyone who's ever wondered what happens when your home becomes smarter than you are – and isn't afraid to show it.

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