The latest episode of "As Washington Turns" - where beloved politicians have just discovered this thing called "artificial intelligence."
Yes, you heard that right!
Congress has finally decided to tackle AI, and let me tell you, it's about as graceful as watching your grandparents try to set up their first smartphone.
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| AI in Washington: The 2025 National Defense Authorization Act. |
So, what's the big news? Congress just passed the 2025 National Defense Authorization Act, which basically means they've written a very long letter to the military saying, "Hey, maybe we should look into this AI thing everyone's talking about?"
It's like when your dad finally joined Facebook in 2020 and started posting blurry selfies - better late than never, right?
The Great AI Adventure Begins
Picture this: Senator Schumer and his colleagues sitting around, probably enjoying their congressional cafeteria coffee, when suddenly someone bursts in and shouts, "Hey, have you heard about this ChatGPT thing?"
And just like that, AI legislation became the hot new topic in Washington.
It's like when kale suddenly became popular – nobody really understood it, but everyone pretended they'd been fans all along.
But here's the kicker - instead of passing comprehensive AI legislation that would cover everything from your smart toaster to Silicon Valley's latest mind-reading app (I'm kidding about that last one... I think), they decided to focus on the defense department.
It's like buying a fire extinguisher for just one room in your house and calling it comprehensive fire protection.
The Cast of Characters
Let me introduce you to our newest superhero: the Chief Digital Engineering Recruitment and Management Officer! Try saying that three times fast. This poor soul's job is to figure out what everyone working with AI at the Department of Defense actually does. It's like being the parent trying to understand what your teenager means by "it's giving."
And speaking of education, they're giving DOD members 180 days to develop an AI course. That's right - in the same amount of time it takes to grow a decent garden, they're supposed to create an educational program about one of the most complex technologies in human history. No pressure!
The Government's AI Shopping List
The bill reads like a tech-savvy kid's letter to Santa. Here's what they're asking for:
"Dear AI Santa, we would like:
- Some AI to help with our accounting (because apparently, Excel is so 2023)
- A program to make AI easier to use (because clicking buttons is hard)
- Something to help with our budget planning (maybe AI can explain where all the money goes?)
- And please make sure none of our adversaries can peek at our AI homework!"
The Secretary of Defense's To-Do List
Poor Secretary of Defense - their to-do list now looks like a Silicon Valley startup's pitch deck.
They have to:
- Launch an AI biotechnology program (because apparently regular biotechnology wasn't complicated enough)
- Create an AI workflow optimization pilot (fancy words for "make the paperwork go faster")
- Form a multilateral AI working group (translation: international AI coffee club)
The Plot Thickens
Here's where it gets really interesting. Congress acknowledges that AI has benefits AND risks - shocking, I know! It's like discovering that chocolate is delicious but you shouldn't eat the whole bar in one sitting.
They're particularly concerned about protecting "critical strategic assets," which is government-speak for "please don't let the AI accidentally tweet our secret launch codes."
The Grand Finale
As we look to the future, with Republicans taking control of both chambers, the AI regulation landscape might change faster than a teenager's TikTok feed. The Republicans are more likely to say, "Let the free market handle it!" which is basically the political equivalent of telling your kids to figure out their own dinner.
But hey, at least we're talking about AI now! It's like watching your parents discover emojis - slightly uncomfortable, probably not using them quite right, but they're trying their best. And isn't that what really matters?
Remember folks, as we venture into this brave new world of artificial intelligence in government, keep in mind that even the smartest AI still can't explain why the DMV takes so long or why there's always construction on your commute route.
Some mysteries of government will remain forever unsolved, AI or no AI.
So here's to the future, where our government agencies will be powered by AI, our documents will be processed by algorithms, and somewhere, somehow, there will still be a form that needs to be filled out in triplicate and sent by fax.
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| AI Goes to Washington: The Defense Bill |